填空题Seven Ways to Create a Happy Household
A. Every family is different, with different personalities, customs, and ways of thinking, talking, and connecting to one another. There is no one "right" kind of family. But whether parents are strict or tolerant, irritable or calm, home has to be a place of love, encouragement, and acceptance of their feelings and individuality for kids to feel emotionally safe and secure. It also has to be a source of don’ts and limits. Most of us want such an atmosphere to prevail in our homes, but with today’s stresses this often seems harder and harder to achieve. From time to time it helps to take stock and think about the changes we could make to improve our home’s emotional climate. Here are a few that will.
1. Watch What You Say
B. How we talk to our children every day is part of the emotional atmosphere we weave. Besides giving them opportunities to be open about how they feel, we have to watch what we say and how we say it. We often forget how much kids take parental criticisms to heart and how much these affect their feelings about themselves. Psychologist Martin Seligman found that when parents consistently blame kids in exaggerated ways, children feel overly guilty and ashamed and withdraw emotionally. Look at the difference between "Roger, this room is always a pigsty! You are such a lazy boy!" and "Roger, your room is a mess today! Before you go out to play, it has to be picked up." One way tells Roger he can never do anything right. The other tells him exactly what to do to fix things so he can be back in his mom’s good graces and doesn’t suggest he has a permanent character flaw. For criticism to be constructive for children, we have to cite causes that are specific and temporary. Another constructive way to criticize children is to remind them of the impact their actions have on us. This promotes understanding rather than resentment.
2. Provide Order and Stability
C. A predictable daily framework, clear and consistent rules, and an organized house make kids—and parents—more relaxed and comfortable, and that means everyone has emotional balance. When conflicts, tensions, or crises occur, the routine is a reassuring and familiar support, a reliable harbor of our lives that won’t change. Think about your mornings. Do your kids go off to school feeling calm and confident Or are they upset and ill-tempered What about evenings and bedtime Do you have angry fights over homework or how much TV children can watch A calm bedtime routine is one good medicine for the dark fears that surface when kids are alone in bed with the lights turned out. Yet a routine that’s too inflexible doesn’t make room for kids’ individual personalities, preferences, and characters.
3. Hold Family Meetings
D. Time together is such a precious time in most households that many families, like the Martins, hold regular family meetings so everyone can air and resolve the week’s worries as well as share the good things that happened. When the Martins gather on Friday night, they also take the opportunity to anticipate what’s scheduled for the week ahead. That way they eliminate (mostly!) those last-minute anxieties over whether someone has soccer shoes for the first practice, the books for a report, or a ride to a music lesson.
4. Encourage Loving Feelings
E. Everyday life is full of opportunities to establish loving connections with our kids. Researchers have found that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts and feelings with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. After all, giving love fosters love, and what convinces our kids that we love them more than our willingness to spend time with them. Many parents say that often they feel most in tune emotionally with their kids when they just hang out together—sprawling on the bed to watch TV, walking down the block together to mail a letter, talking on long car rides when kids know they have a parent’s complete attention. At these times the hurt feelings and the secret fears are finally mentioned. Part of encouraging loving feelings is insisting that kids treat others, including siblings, with kindness, respect, and fairness—at least some of the time. In one family, kids write on a chart in the kitchen at the end of each day the name of someone who did something nice for them.
5. Create Rituals
F. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives children a sense of continuity—that certain feelings stay the same even as the kids change and grow. For many families, like my friend Frances’, that means regularly observing religions rituals. To her family, Sunday morning means going to Mass and having hot chocolate afterwards at the town café. Others create their own rituals to anchor the week. Michael’s family celebrates with a regular Scrabble and pizza party every Friday night; Dawn’s goes to the movies. Holiday rituals give children points in the year to look forward to.
6. Handle Challenges with Compassion
G. Home life today is not always stable and secure. Even the best marriages have fights, economic difficulties, and emotional ups-and-downs. Parents divorce, stepfamilies form, and these changes challenge the most loving parents. But troubles are part of the human condition. Loving families don’t ignore them—they try to create a strong emotional climate despite them. In handling parental conflicts, for example, we can let kids know when everything has been resolved, as Denise and Peter did after a loud dispute in the kitchen during which voices were raised and tears flowed. After making up, they explained to their kids, "Sometimes we disagree and lose our tempers, too. But now we’ve worked it out. We’re sorry that you heard our fight."
7. Schedule Parent-Only Time
H. Parents are the ones who create a home’s atmosphere. When we’re upset about how much money we owe, worried about downsizing at the company where we work; or angry at a spouse, that charges the emotional atmosphere in ways kids find threatening. As one friend said plaintively, "Parents need special time, too." Taking a long walk together to talk without our kids may go a long way to relieve worries and regular "parent-only" dates help us reexperience the love that brought us together in the first place.
Kids become guilty and ashamed if they are constantly criticized by exaggerated means.

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1.填空题How did the early people do their counting At first, they did all their counting with small stones. Later, they learned to use their fingers in counting. Since man has ten fingers, the number ten became the (1) of all counting in many parts of the world.
In 1946 the first electronic computers went into (2) . Since its invention the computer has changed greatly, and it has more and more uses. It can (3) people from difficult measurement and computation.
There are (4) computations in science and engineering. Scientists are unable to make them, but the computer can do them quickly and (5) . For instance, a spaceship cannot leave the earth and go to the moon without computers. What must the spaceship be like When can it leave Will it be on the right (6) The computer must answer all these questions.
In recent years more and more people have used computers not only in production and technology, but also in everyday life, for the simple reason that they are far more (7) than man. They have much better memories and can (8) large amounts of information. No man (9) can do 500,000 sums in one second, but a computer can. In fact, computers can do many of the things we do, but faster and better. They can (10) machines in factories, work out tomorrow’s weather, and even do translation work.
In the future we are going to use computers for almost everything almost every day.
A. control B. alive C. operation D. reproduce
E. correctly F. efficient G. free H. omit
I. complex J. foundation K. discipline L. store
M. living N. naturally O. course
2.填空题Artificial Intelligence (AI)
A. We often don’t notice it, but artificial intelligence (AI) is all around us. It is present in computer games, in the cruise control in our cars and the servers that route our email. In June 2002, a robot called Gaak gave an alarming demonstration of its independence. It made a dash for freedom from an exhibit at the Magna science centre in Rotherham. Gaak crept along a barrier until it found a gap and squeezed through. Having left the building, it reached Magna’s exit by the M1 motorway before it was discovered.
B. So, can a machine behave like a person This question underlies artificial intelligence, the study of intelligent behavior in machines. In the 1980s, AI research focused on creating machines that could solve problems and reason like humans. One of the most difficult problems in artificial intelligence is that of consciousness. A consciousness gives us feelings and makes us aware of our own existence. But scientists have found it difficult getting robots to carry out even the simplest of cognitive tasks. Creating a self-aware robot with real feelings is a significant challenge faced by scientists hoping to imitate human intelligence in a machine. Since the early 1990s, researchers have concentrated on developing smaller, independent robots instead of trying to recreate human intelligence. The model for many of these machines is insect intelligence, which is—in its own way—very sophisticated.
C. When it is completed in late 2004, the world’s most powerful computer will be ASCI Purple, built by IBM. It is expected to carry out 100 trillion operations per second (or 100 teraflops). A supercomputer with double this processing power is expected within the next two years. It is being built to replace ASCI White—formerly the world’s most powerful computer—which occupies a space the size of two basketball courts at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California. A spokesman for IBM said that ASCI Purple was approaching the processing power of the human brain. But some scientists believe our brains can carry out around 10,000 trillion operations per second. HAL, the supercomputer that rebels against its human handlers in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), is a bold reference to IBM. The letters H, A and L, precede I, B and M in the alphabet.
D. In 1950, mathematician Alan Turing devised a test to identify whether a machine displayed intelligence. In the Turing Test, two people (A and B) sit in a closed room, while an interrogator (询问者) (C) sits outside. Person A tries to fool the interrogator about their gender, while person B tries to assist the interrogator in their identification. Turing suggested a machine take the place of person A. If the machine consistently fooled the human interrogator, it was likely to be intelligent.
E. The possible dangers posed by intelligent machines have inspired countless science fiction films. In The Terminator (1984), a computer network attacks the human race in order to achieve control. This network then manufactures intelligent robots called "Terminators" which it programs to destroy human survivors. In The Matrix (1999) and The Matrix Reloaded (2003), a machine enslaves humanity, using people as batteries to power its mainframe. Steven Spielberg’s AI: Artificial Intelligence (2002) paints a more sympathetic view of artificial life, depicting sensitive robots that are abused by brutal, selfish human masters.
F. One place where artificial intelligence has found a natural home is in the development of computer games. AI in computer games is becoming increasingly sophisticated as consumer appetites for better, faster, more challenging games grows. In games, Al is often present in the opponents you play against, or in allies or other team members.
G. In 1997, then world chess champion Garry Kasparov played against IBM’s Deep Blue supercomputer—and lost. After six games, the mighty Kasparov lost 2.5 to 3.5 to the silicon upstart. In February 2003, Kasparov saved some credibility for humanity by drawing against the Israeli-built supercomputer Deep Junior. Kasparov went on to draw 2-2 against US company X3D Technologies’ supercomputer X3D Fritz in November 2003, proving that the human brain can keep up with the latest developments in computing (at least in chess).
H. Despite these entertaining applications, the original point of Al research was to create machines that could understand us. At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), scientists have designed a robot called Kismet that can have realistic conversations with people. Kismet is capable of seven different facial expressions and can vary the tone of its voice. It also adjusts its gaze and the direction of its head towards the person it is speaking to. Scientists at HP have designed an electronic DJ. The "hpDJ" selects beats and baselines from its memory bank and mixes them. Its makers say it could be made to react to the mood of clubbers. At the University of Texas, Dallas, researchers have designed a lifelike human face capable of 28 facial movements, including smiling, sneering, furrowing its brow and arching its eyebrows. It could be used to put a human face to the artificial brains of the future.
I. A computer program developed at Brandeis University in Massachusetts has learnt how to design and build bridges, cranes and tables all by itself. It reinvented support structures such as the cantilever and the triangle without prior knowledge of them. Credit card companies use a computer program called The Falcon to detect card fraud. The Falcon works by constantly updating a profile of how customers use their credit cards. It then looks for uncharacteristic patterns of credit card use in the data. A robotic head built by a Scottish robotics company can determine a woman’s attractiveness. It works by examining faces to determine how "feminine" or "masculine" they are. It doesn’t work in reverse because men’s appeal is supposedly not based as much on looks. Perhaps jokingly, researchers say it could be put to use as an artificial receptionist. Robots designed for the consumer market and employing very basic forms of AI have become increasingly popular in recent years. Sony’s Aibo robot dog behaves like a puppy when it is first activated. But it "learns" new behavior as it spends more time with its human owner. A software program called FACES could stop mid-air collisions between planes. When tested in a flight simulator (模拟器), the software prevented a pile-up between 35 planes sharing airspace.
J. Over the coming century, breakthroughs in nanotechnology, the science of ultra-small machines constructed at the molecular level, may help us build more sophisticated machines that are more compact. We may also see breakthroughs from scientists who are experimenting with connecting biological cells to silicon circuits—a phenomenon called wetware.
In the early 1990s, the research of artificial intelligence had been replaced by the development of smaller, independent robots.
4.填空题How did the early people do their counting At first, they did all their counting with small stones. Later, they learned to use their fingers in counting. Since man has ten fingers, the number ten became the (1) of all counting in many parts of the world.
In 1946 the first electronic computers went into (2) . Since its invention the computer has changed greatly, and it has more and more uses. It can (3) people from difficult measurement and computation.
There are (4) computations in science and engineering. Scientists are unable to make them, but the computer can do them quickly and (5) . For instance, a spaceship cannot leave the earth and go to the moon without computers. What must the spaceship be like When can it leave Will it be on the right (6) The computer must answer all these questions.
In recent years more and more people have used computers not only in production and technology, but also in everyday life, for the simple reason that they are far more (7) than man. They have much better memories and can (8) large amounts of information. No man (9) can do 500,000 sums in one second, but a computer can. In fact, computers can do many of the things we do, but faster and better. They can (10) machines in factories, work out tomorrow’s weather, and even do translation work.
In the future we are going to use computers for almost everything almost every day.
A. control B. alive C. operation D. reproduce
E. correctly F. efficient G. free H. omit
I. complex J. foundation K. discipline L. store
M. living N. naturally O. course
5.填空题Seven Ways to Create a Happy Household
A. Every family is different, with different personalities, customs, and ways of thinking, talking, and connecting to one another. There is no one "right" kind of family. But whether parents are strict or tolerant, irritable or calm, home has to be a place of love, encouragement, and acceptance of their feelings and individuality for kids to feel emotionally safe and secure. It also has to be a source of don’ts and limits. Most of us want such an atmosphere to prevail in our homes, but with today’s stresses this often seems harder and harder to achieve. From time to time it helps to take stock and think about the changes we could make to improve our home’s emotional climate. Here are a few that will.
1. Watch What You Say
B. How we talk to our children every day is part of the emotional atmosphere we weave. Besides giving them opportunities to be open about how they feel, we have to watch what we say and how we say it. We often forget how much kids take parental criticisms to heart and how much these affect their feelings about themselves. Psychologist Martin Seligman found that when parents consistently blame kids in exaggerated ways, children feel overly guilty and ashamed and withdraw emotionally. Look at the difference between "Roger, this room is always a pigsty! You are such a lazy boy!" and "Roger, your room is a mess today! Before you go out to play, it has to be picked up." One way tells Roger he can never do anything right. The other tells him exactly what to do to fix things so he can be back in his mom’s good graces and doesn’t suggest he has a permanent character flaw. For criticism to be constructive for children, we have to cite causes that are specific and temporary. Another constructive way to criticize children is to remind them of the impact their actions have on us. This promotes understanding rather than resentment.
2. Provide Order and Stability
C. A predictable daily framework, clear and consistent rules, and an organized house make kids—and parents—more relaxed and comfortable, and that means everyone has emotional balance. When conflicts, tensions, or crises occur, the routine is a reassuring and familiar support, a reliable harbor of our lives that won’t change. Think about your mornings. Do your kids go off to school feeling calm and confident Or are they upset and ill-tempered What about evenings and bedtime Do you have angry fights over homework or how much TV children can watch A calm bedtime routine is one good medicine for the dark fears that surface when kids are alone in bed with the lights turned out. Yet a routine that’s too inflexible doesn’t make room for kids’ individual personalities, preferences, and characters.
3. Hold Family Meetings
D. Time together is such a precious time in most households that many families, like the Martins, hold regular family meetings so everyone can air and resolve the week’s worries as well as share the good things that happened. When the Martins gather on Friday night, they also take the opportunity to anticipate what’s scheduled for the week ahead. That way they eliminate (mostly!) those last-minute anxieties over whether someone has soccer shoes for the first practice, the books for a report, or a ride to a music lesson.
4. Encourage Loving Feelings
E. Everyday life is full of opportunities to establish loving connections with our kids. Researchers have found that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts and feelings with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. After all, giving love fosters love, and what convinces our kids that we love them more than our willingness to spend time with them. Many parents say that often they feel most in tune emotionally with their kids when they just hang out together—sprawling on the bed to watch TV, walking down the block together to mail a letter, talking on long car rides when kids know they have a parent’s complete attention. At these times the hurt feelings and the secret fears are finally mentioned. Part of encouraging loving feelings is insisting that kids treat others, including siblings, with kindness, respect, and fairness—at least some of the time. In one family, kids write on a chart in the kitchen at the end of each day the name of someone who did something nice for them.
5. Create Rituals
F. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives children a sense of continuity—that certain feelings stay the same even as the kids change and grow. For many families, like my friend Frances’, that means regularly observing religions rituals. To her family, Sunday morning means going to Mass and having hot chocolate afterwards at the town café. Others create their own rituals to anchor the week. Michael’s family celebrates with a regular Scrabble and pizza party every Friday night; Dawn’s goes to the movies. Holiday rituals give children points in the year to look forward to.
6. Handle Challenges with Compassion
G. Home life today is not always stable and secure. Even the best marriages have fights, economic difficulties, and emotional ups-and-downs. Parents divorce, stepfamilies form, and these changes challenge the most loving parents. But troubles are part of the human condition. Loving families don’t ignore them—they try to create a strong emotional climate despite them. In handling parental conflicts, for example, we can let kids know when everything has been resolved, as Denise and Peter did after a loud dispute in the kitchen during which voices were raised and tears flowed. After making up, they explained to their kids, "Sometimes we disagree and lose our tempers, too. But now we’ve worked it out. We’re sorry that you heard our fight."
7. Schedule Parent-Only Time
H. Parents are the ones who create a home’s atmosphere. When we’re upset about how much money we owe, worried about downsizing at the company where we work; or angry at a spouse, that charges the emotional atmosphere in ways kids find threatening. As one friend said plaintively, "Parents need special time, too." Taking a long walk together to talk without our kids may go a long way to relieve worries and regular "parent-only" dates help us reexperience the love that brought us together in the first place.
Loving families try to create a strong emotional climate in spite of troubles.
7.填空题Artificial Intelligence (AI)
A. We often don’t notice it, but artificial intelligence (AI) is all around us. It is present in computer games, in the cruise control in our cars and the servers that route our email. In June 2002, a robot called Gaak gave an alarming demonstration of its independence. It made a dash for freedom from an exhibit at the Magna science centre in Rotherham. Gaak crept along a barrier until it found a gap and squeezed through. Having left the building, it reached Magna’s exit by the M1 motorway before it was discovered.
B. So, can a machine behave like a person This question underlies artificial intelligence, the study of intelligent behavior in machines. In the 1980s, AI research focused on creating machines that could solve problems and reason like humans. One of the most difficult problems in artificial intelligence is that of consciousness. A consciousness gives us feelings and makes us aware of our own existence. But scientists have found it difficult getting robots to carry out even the simplest of cognitive tasks. Creating a self-aware robot with real feelings is a significant challenge faced by scientists hoping to imitate human intelligence in a machine. Since the early 1990s, researchers have concentrated on developing smaller, independent robots instead of trying to recreate human intelligence. The model for many of these machines is insect intelligence, which is—in its own way—very sophisticated.
C. When it is completed in late 2004, the world’s most powerful computer will be ASCI Purple, built by IBM. It is expected to carry out 100 trillion operations per second (or 100 teraflops). A supercomputer with double this processing power is expected within the next two years. It is being built to replace ASCI White—formerly the world’s most powerful computer—which occupies a space the size of two basketball courts at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in Livermore, California. A spokesman for IBM said that ASCI Purple was approaching the processing power of the human brain. But some scientists believe our brains can carry out around 10,000 trillion operations per second. HAL, the supercomputer that rebels against its human handlers in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), is a bold reference to IBM. The letters H, A and L, precede I, B and M in the alphabet.
D. In 1950, mathematician Alan Turing devised a test to identify whether a machine displayed intelligence. In the Turing Test, two people (A and B) sit in a closed room, while an interrogator (询问者) (C) sits outside. Person A tries to fool the interrogator about their gender, while person B tries to assist the interrogator in their identification. Turing suggested a machine take the place of person A. If the machine consistently fooled the human interrogator, it was likely to be intelligent.
E. The possible dangers posed by intelligent machines have inspired countless science fiction films. In The Terminator (1984), a computer network attacks the human race in order to achieve control. This network then manufactures intelligent robots called "Terminators" which it programs to destroy human survivors. In The Matrix (1999) and The Matrix Reloaded (2003), a machine enslaves humanity, using people as batteries to power its mainframe. Steven Spielberg’s AI: Artificial Intelligence (2002) paints a more sympathetic view of artificial life, depicting sensitive robots that are abused by brutal, selfish human masters.
F. One place where artificial intelligence has found a natural home is in the development of computer games. AI in computer games is becoming increasingly sophisticated as consumer appetites for better, faster, more challenging games grows. In games, Al is often present in the opponents you play against, or in allies or other team members.
G. In 1997, then world chess champion Garry Kasparov played against IBM’s Deep Blue supercomputer—and lost. After six games, the mighty Kasparov lost 2.5 to 3.5 to the silicon upstart. In February 2003, Kasparov saved some credibility for humanity by drawing against the Israeli-built supercomputer Deep Junior. Kasparov went on to draw 2-2 against US company X3D Technologies’ supercomputer X3D Fritz in November 2003, proving that the human brain can keep up with the latest developments in computing (at least in chess).
H. Despite these entertaining applications, the original point of Al research was to create machines that could understand us. At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), scientists have designed a robot called Kismet that can have realistic conversations with people. Kismet is capable of seven different facial expressions and can vary the tone of its voice. It also adjusts its gaze and the direction of its head towards the person it is speaking to. Scientists at HP have designed an electronic DJ. The "hpDJ" selects beats and baselines from its memory bank and mixes them. Its makers say it could be made to react to the mood of clubbers. At the University of Texas, Dallas, researchers have designed a lifelike human face capable of 28 facial movements, including smiling, sneering, furrowing its brow and arching its eyebrows. It could be used to put a human face to the artificial brains of the future.
I. A computer program developed at Brandeis University in Massachusetts has learnt how to design and build bridges, cranes and tables all by itself. It reinvented support structures such as the cantilever and the triangle without prior knowledge of them. Credit card companies use a computer program called The Falcon to detect card fraud. The Falcon works by constantly updating a profile of how customers use their credit cards. It then looks for uncharacteristic patterns of credit card use in the data. A robotic head built by a Scottish robotics company can determine a woman’s attractiveness. It works by examining faces to determine how "feminine" or "masculine" they are. It doesn’t work in reverse because men’s appeal is supposedly not based as much on looks. Perhaps jokingly, researchers say it could be put to use as an artificial receptionist. Robots designed for the consumer market and employing very basic forms of AI have become increasingly popular in recent years. Sony’s Aibo robot dog behaves like a puppy when it is first activated. But it "learns" new behavior as it spends more time with its human owner. A software program called FACES could stop mid-air collisions between planes. When tested in a flight simulator (模拟器), the software prevented a pile-up between 35 planes sharing airspace.
J. Over the coming century, breakthroughs in nanotechnology, the science of ultra-small machines constructed at the molecular level, may help us build more sophisticated machines that are more compact. We may also see breakthroughs from scientists who are experimenting with connecting biological cells to silicon circuits—a phenomenon called wetware.
Even if we don’t know it, the technology of artificial intelligence can be found everywhere, ranging from computer games to the servers that route our email.
8.填空题How did the early people do their counting At first, they did all their counting with small stones. Later, they learned to use their fingers in counting. Since man has ten fingers, the number ten became the (1) of all counting in many parts of the world.
In 1946 the first electronic computers went into (2) . Since its invention the computer has changed greatly, and it has more and more uses. It can (3) people from difficult measurement and computation.
There are (4) computations in science and engineering. Scientists are unable to make them, but the computer can do them quickly and (5) . For instance, a spaceship cannot leave the earth and go to the moon without computers. What must the spaceship be like When can it leave Will it be on the right (6) The computer must answer all these questions.
In recent years more and more people have used computers not only in production and technology, but also in everyday life, for the simple reason that they are far more (7) than man. They have much better memories and can (8) large amounts of information. No man (9) can do 500,000 sums in one second, but a computer can. In fact, computers can do many of the things we do, but faster and better. They can (10) machines in factories, work out tomorrow’s weather, and even do translation work.
In the future we are going to use computers for almost everything almost every day.
A. control B. alive C. operation D. reproduce
E. correctly F. efficient G. free H. omit
I. complex J. foundation K. discipline L. store
M. living N. naturally O. course
9.填空题Seven Ways to Create a Happy Household
A. Every family is different, with different personalities, customs, and ways of thinking, talking, and connecting to one another. There is no one "right" kind of family. But whether parents are strict or tolerant, irritable or calm, home has to be a place of love, encouragement, and acceptance of their feelings and individuality for kids to feel emotionally safe and secure. It also has to be a source of don’ts and limits. Most of us want such an atmosphere to prevail in our homes, but with today’s stresses this often seems harder and harder to achieve. From time to time it helps to take stock and think about the changes we could make to improve our home’s emotional climate. Here are a few that will.
1. Watch What You Say
B. How we talk to our children every day is part of the emotional atmosphere we weave. Besides giving them opportunities to be open about how they feel, we have to watch what we say and how we say it. We often forget how much kids take parental criticisms to heart and how much these affect their feelings about themselves. Psychologist Martin Seligman found that when parents consistently blame kids in exaggerated ways, children feel overly guilty and ashamed and withdraw emotionally. Look at the difference between "Roger, this room is always a pigsty! You are such a lazy boy!" and "Roger, your room is a mess today! Before you go out to play, it has to be picked up." One way tells Roger he can never do anything right. The other tells him exactly what to do to fix things so he can be back in his mom’s good graces and doesn’t suggest he has a permanent character flaw. For criticism to be constructive for children, we have to cite causes that are specific and temporary. Another constructive way to criticize children is to remind them of the impact their actions have on us. This promotes understanding rather than resentment.
2. Provide Order and Stability
C. A predictable daily framework, clear and consistent rules, and an organized house make kids—and parents—more relaxed and comfortable, and that means everyone has emotional balance. When conflicts, tensions, or crises occur, the routine is a reassuring and familiar support, a reliable harbor of our lives that won’t change. Think about your mornings. Do your kids go off to school feeling calm and confident Or are they upset and ill-tempered What about evenings and bedtime Do you have angry fights over homework or how much TV children can watch A calm bedtime routine is one good medicine for the dark fears that surface when kids are alone in bed with the lights turned out. Yet a routine that’s too inflexible doesn’t make room for kids’ individual personalities, preferences, and characters.
3. Hold Family Meetings
D. Time together is such a precious time in most households that many families, like the Martins, hold regular family meetings so everyone can air and resolve the week’s worries as well as share the good things that happened. When the Martins gather on Friday night, they also take the opportunity to anticipate what’s scheduled for the week ahead. That way they eliminate (mostly!) those last-minute anxieties over whether someone has soccer shoes for the first practice, the books for a report, or a ride to a music lesson.
4. Encourage Loving Feelings
E. Everyday life is full of opportunities to establish loving connections with our kids. Researchers have found that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts and feelings with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. After all, giving love fosters love, and what convinces our kids that we love them more than our willingness to spend time with them. Many parents say that often they feel most in tune emotionally with their kids when they just hang out together—sprawling on the bed to watch TV, walking down the block together to mail a letter, talking on long car rides when kids know they have a parent’s complete attention. At these times the hurt feelings and the secret fears are finally mentioned. Part of encouraging loving feelings is insisting that kids treat others, including siblings, with kindness, respect, and fairness—at least some of the time. In one family, kids write on a chart in the kitchen at the end of each day the name of someone who did something nice for them.
5. Create Rituals
F. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives children a sense of continuity—that certain feelings stay the same even as the kids change and grow. For many families, like my friend Frances’, that means regularly observing religions rituals. To her family, Sunday morning means going to Mass and having hot chocolate afterwards at the town café. Others create their own rituals to anchor the week. Michael’s family celebrates with a regular Scrabble and pizza party every Friday night; Dawn’s goes to the movies. Holiday rituals give children points in the year to look forward to.
6. Handle Challenges with Compassion
G. Home life today is not always stable and secure. Even the best marriages have fights, economic difficulties, and emotional ups-and-downs. Parents divorce, stepfamilies form, and these changes challenge the most loving parents. But troubles are part of the human condition. Loving families don’t ignore them—they try to create a strong emotional climate despite them. In handling parental conflicts, for example, we can let kids know when everything has been resolved, as Denise and Peter did after a loud dispute in the kitchen during which voices were raised and tears flowed. After making up, they explained to their kids, "Sometimes we disagree and lose our tempers, too. But now we’ve worked it out. We’re sorry that you heard our fight."
7. Schedule Parent-Only Time
H. Parents are the ones who create a home’s atmosphere. When we’re upset about how much money we owe, worried about downsizing at the company where we work; or angry at a spouse, that charges the emotional atmosphere in ways kids find threatening. As one friend said plaintively, "Parents need special time, too." Taking a long walk together to talk without our kids may go a long way to relieve worries and regular "parent-only" dates help us reexperience the love that brought us together in the first place.
A well-organized home with predictable daffy framework, clear and consistent rules guarantees that the family members can have emotional balance.